I’ll be honest with you here. My wallet is generally empty, so it really serves me no purpose. What it does do is look nice when I fill it with paper towels so it’s fat when flash it for the ladies. They all swoon, and then I get to show them my collection of Thor action figures, which I can assure you is exceptional. These ten Legend of Zelda wallets may not ensure that you have cash to throw at the ladies, though I’ve found that it is much more fun to paint yourself green and throw forks at them, but they will express your style in a way that puts a smile on your face and a strut in your step.
1. Legend of Zelda Wallets Complete With Shackle
This particular item is from Hot Topic, and if you’ve ever been there, you know that you can find some scary clothing. We’re talking ripped pants with demon claws trying to tear apart your inner thigh, but the Legend of Zelda wallet is a good scary. It’s the “I’m forty years old and have been playing the same game series since I was a kid” type of scary. Fashionable, to say the least.
2. Minish Cap Toon Link Wallet
Toon Link was always my favorite character in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, so he holds a special place in my heart below the left ventricle, and I probably won’t have to get him removed until I’m at least fifty. I like the layout of this Legend of Zelda wallet, but the color is a bit too light for my tastes. Just like that weight over there – 100 pounds. Too light. I need something more to satisfy my biceps, and that’s why I chose Globo Gym.
3. Hylian Shield Legend of Zelda Wallet
The Hylian Shield style Legend of Zelda wallet is one of my favorites, since I can easily pretend that I’m fending off blows of evil with my powerful shield. “Sir. Please swipe your card.” I also appreciate that foliage around the shield, which is just subtle enough that it underlies the whole piece quite nicely. “Sir, I am going to need you to pay for that item – SWIPE YOUR CARD.” *Runs out of store with wallet*
4. Legend of Zelda Wallet Has Hinges
Wallets that have hinges are pretty cool, but this one has a look that is borderline coin purse, and I can’t be seen with a coin purse. Not with my street cred, anyways – I’ve worked hard to earn that. I’m even going bowling with the guys next week, and I wasn’t invited. “What?” Yeah – I just show up to social occasions because I’m known by nobody and feared by almost no one. “You don’t make any sense.” I just watch silently from the corner and feed on their fun.
5. Leather Legend of Zelda Wallet
This geeky wallet was actually created by this guy on DeviantArt, who apparently owns what is called a “laser engraver.” To me, that sounds more like “a laser engraver that we can use to set the neighbor’s lawn on fire,” but that’s just my feeling on the topic. FEAR ME, ANTS.
6. Triforce Wallet
The gold Triforce logo that is embossed on this wallet is not made of gold, but it is a gold color, so it is automatically in-style. I hope that by now you have figured out that I know absolutely nothing about style. To be quite frank with you, right now I’m not clothed in nothing but a speedo and some bits of fried chicken that I dropped on my belly. “TOO MUCH INFORMATION, MAN!”
7. Legend of Zelda Map Wallet
It’s that classic LoZ map, now on a wallet! Super fun LoZ accessory! “Stop saying that.” LoZ? “NOBODY ABBREVIATES IT LIKE THAT.” I’m being a trendsetter. That’s also why I bought these seatless chaps and purple reptile scales which I will turn into a necklace.
8. Deku Tree Geeky Wallet
Legend of Zelda fans should immediately recognize this wallet as a representation of the Deku Tree from the Ocarina of Time. My favorite game of the series, personally, was Majora’s Mask, but I love Ocarina of Time almost as much and played through it twice. (Please don’t leave comments bragging about how many times you’ve played through the game – I’m sure there are people who have done it more than you.)
9. Leather Hylian Crest Legend of Zelda Wallet
This wallet looks more professional than some of the others we’ve seen, and was actually for sale on Etsy before someone saw it and realized how awesome it was. If you’re looking for a Western cowboy look that still shows off some geekery, you’ve found it! You’ve also found a single man who enjoys eating, sleeping, and generally ignoring his date at social get-togethers. Call me.
10. The Final Legend of Zelda Wallet
Did I save the best for last? Did the fat lady start singing yet? Did the milk cry when it spilt the crumbling cookies onto the blind and impaired mice? I don’t know, but what I do know is that my last sentence was an AWESOME mashup of some old adages, which are almost as cool as the old appendages I found in the attic. Note: you should visit the link “AWESOME mashup” since it made me laugh!