Geckos are one of the only green things on earth that crawls on ceilings and eats insects, the other being your mom’s version of meatloaf. (Forget manners – I don’t want to die.) You probably know a couple of things about geckos, but these six weird gecko facts are probably new to you, and they’re utterly pointless. There’s really no reason for you to read this, but there was also no reason for you to stay up all night watching the royal wedding. Oh! What a twist ending! They got married! THAT’S WHY THEY CALLED IT THE ROYAL WEDDING YOU MORONS.
1. Geckos And Their Eyes
Above: a picture of a gecko slathering its eye in saliva. You may think that our reptilian friends do this purely for enjoyment, since my eyes do enjoy a bit of a licking on occasion, but there is actually some very important science behind this weird behavior. Weird gecko fact: most species of geckos do not have an eyelid, so they rely on a transparent membrane that covers their eye to protect their ball of jelly. If they want to be able to see clearly, geckos have to be sure to keep this membrane clean! This is like when cats lick themselves, except weirder and more awesome.
2. Strong, Independent Women
Here in the human world we have beautiful independent woman, and, thankfully for those of us who look like trolls, they need men to reproduce. In the gecko world, they sometimes do not need a man to create offspring. These species are referred to as parthenogenetic. A single female gecko from a parthenogenetic species can repopulate an entire island! This may sound like a good thing, but the lack of genetic variation that results from some event like this can be catastrophic. And that, ladies, is why y’all need me. I may not be able to cook, clean, provide an income, or hold a conversation, but I am naturally gifted in the area of creating genetic variation. “As is everyone else on the planet.”
3. No, Geckos Don’t Have Glue On Their Feet
If you’re like me, you were assuming that every time a gecko needed to climb something they just dipped their feetsies in a jar of magical sticky glue. Well, unfortunately, their feetsies are actually covered in tiny hair follicles which take advantage of Van Der Waals forces, a scientific concept harder to understand than a jar of glue. It’s also harder to eat, since I know how easy it is to chew on a glue stick. “Have you seen the glue?” Yes. Yes I have.
4. Kawekaweau Gecko Now Extinct
The Kawekaweau gecko was the largest gecko in existence, and now it is one of the most deceased geckos not in existence, since its entire species was killed off long ago. This reptile is known only from written descriptions and a single piece of taxidermy, which is almost two feet long. And we’re talking LeBron James feet, not tiny Wood Elf feet, and that’s a weird gecko FACT. “Who’s LeBron James?” Most people would have asked about the Wood Elf, but we all love Skyrim.
5. What Sound Does a Gecko Make?
Have you ever played a children’s game on an iPhone or iPad, and had it ask you what sound some ridiculous animal makes? I have. This thing asked me what sound a turtle makes. As far as I know, turtles don’t even make sounds, but geckos do. The next time you need to impersonate a gecko, make a chirping sound or a barking sound, as these are the two most common types of gecko calls. You learn something every day, right? Also, that is a branch, not the hand of an 800 year old man, which is what it looks like.
6. Leopard Geckos And Their Dead/Alive Tails
Leopard geckos, like most geckos, shed their tail as a response to an attacker. (Yes, this is very similar to how I peed myself when those children in ghillie suits frightened me last week.) This in itself is not particularly interesting, but what is interesting is that their tails can move for thirty minutes after they’ve dropped off! The jump around without a body for half of an hour! That would probably make me vomit, but afterwards we would probably all start puking rainbows and smiles!