Eating food at an underwater restaurant beats shoving Burger King in my mouth above land any day. And I’m not saying that the food is better underwater, I’m just saying that the only thing I would ever eat from Burger King is their new bacon sundae. (Haven’t heard about that?)
This underwater restaurant list gives you six of the most awesome establishments under the sea. Actually, it gives you the only underwater restaurants under the sea. To my knowledge, at least, but I just learned how to eat last week. “Stop lying.” Fine, I’m still using the funnel as a crutch, but it’s getting there.
1. Ithaa Underwater Restaurant
The Ithaa underwater restaurant has an awesome design and is located on the island of Rangali Maldives, which is a place that I would never want to go scuba diving. “Maldives?” Are you kidding? I don’t know a lot about etymology, but I know that that word spells drowning or dying in the teeth of a shark. “I just died in your arms tonight…. it must have been somethin’ you said…” No – no if you let me get eaten, you’re going to be the one dying. Choked by my folds of pudge when I sit on you.
Of course, the theme here is “underwater.” The theme of the food is also “underwater.” And, if we’re lucky, the waitresses will be in touch with the “underwater” theme and we’ll get to meet A REAL LIVE MERMAID! “No – I’ve been there – it’s just Mermen.” Stop it. Stop lying. “I’m not lying – there are no female merpeople.” Stop spewing your lies all over my floor. Clean it up. Clean it up right now.
2. Red Sea Star Underwater Restaurant
The Red Sea Star underwater restaurant serves up exotic seafood to all of its guests, and is the only underwater restaurant that you can go to at night. Eating at the above Ithaa restaurant at midnight? No way. No lights, no eating, no money exchange. I will take my shirt off though. And my socks because I am not a conformist like the rest of you. “You mean that you are not mentally stable, like the rest of us.” It’s okay, I’m a member of PETA, which gives me the right to streak.
The Red Sea Star was obviously built by a quick-thinking designer. Instead of putting tables in the middle of the underwater restaurant so that the slow people would get the short end of the stick, they put windows next to every table! Now even those people who need to be rolled like a giant egg down the hallway will get to experience the sea-filled fun! (Yes, even you, giant blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. Though we might duct tape your mouth and tie you to a chair if you irk enough people.)
3. Pangkor Island Underwater Restaurant
The underwater restaurant on Pangkor island in Malaysia is one that has very little information available on the web. Honestly – if you’re going to take the time to design and build an underwater restaurant, you think you could hire some uneducated slob like myself to design a website. You could have one of the most luxurious experiences on the planet, and nobody would know about it.
Also, note their super fancy drinking glasses, which all look really photoshopped. Why? Why photoshop the glasses? This guy could have spent that time making your stupid website on iWeb or something. Nice manta ray, though.
UPDATE: I have been informed that this is not a manta ray shown in the picture, and that it is more likely an eagle ray. The only thing I know about rays is that they are a point with a line that travels in one direction. Eagles are a foreign subject.
4. Burj Al Arab Restaurant
The Burj Al Arab restaurant is located in Dubai, and, for all it’s fanciness, it’s a fake. This is not an underwater restaurant, just a building with a giant aquarium and some smoke and mirrors. You take a feigned “submarine ride” to the entrance, which looks like the ribcage of a unicorn. From there, you’re greeted with seafood and a huge aquarium filled with all sorts of swimming creatures. My stomach? Filled with swimming tapeworms, but that was from the burger I had last week.
5. Anantara Kihavah Villas Underwater Restaurant
The Anantara Kihavah Villas is the real thing when it comes to an awesome underwater restaurant. Strangely, the food here follows the theme of what their site calls “over water” food, which just means that they serve things that walk on land. (Lamb, pork, etc.)
In addition to feeding you while you are underwater, the chefs of this establishment perform acrobatic tricks while they make your delicious food. To be honest, this is everything that you would look for in a five star restaurant, but under the sea.
6. The Underwater Bar
This is an underwater bar that is both real and fake at the same time. Nicki Minaj is also fake and real at the same time, but that’s a discussion for a different article. This bar is from a TechnoMarine watch commercial, so you can’t go and have drinks like you see the people above doing, but there was probably some kind of underwater bar built for filming purposes.
So, not quite an underwater restaurant, but I’m sure your sadness will go away when you check out the commercial. Or when you hug an old man. Hugging old people always makes me feel better.