I’ve recently been getting back to firing up the Xbox and playing games like Black Ops and Modern Warfare 3 online. Online gaming is fun because you get an idea of how good the other players are, but with this benefit comes the different types of annoying gamers.
Types Of Online Gamers We Hate
1. The Joker
We all know this guy. He comes into the game and greets everyone, making himself seem pretty awesome. When the game starts, however, he makes bad jokes and laughs at them, not realizing that nobody cares about his existence.
2. The RAGE Quitter
Yes, the rage quitters – I admit that I rage quit when I am having a particularly bad game, but it’s not a regular occurrence. It sucks when your team is losing and everyone slowly starts to quit, creating a snowball effect that leaves you as the lone gunman against an entire team of pros. (This situation often ends with you dying, and then dying again, and then dying once more, etc.)
3. The Kid
Okay, we all know when a kid comes to play an online game. (That squeaky, adolescent, pre-puberty voice gives him away.) Don’t make these gamers mad, though – just because they are young doesn’t mean they don’t know how to curse, and they will cuss you out in a second. Make your ears bleed? Indeed, Watson. Fetch me some coffee while I do this 720 degree jumping no scope.
4. The Hackers
Hackers find glitches in the maps, have the ability to levitate, can fly off the map, constantly shoot through walls, and kill you right as you respawn. Bam! You’re dead. Respawning… Bam! You’re dead. Respawning…
5. The Trash Talker
These guys talk trash constantly and will go great lengths to defend themselves against your “common sense.” They don’t care how their language affects you, and if you talk back to them, prepare for a long voice message on your inbox. This is when the “blocked user” option comes in handy. Also, the pepper spray, in case they find out where you live.
6. The Girl Gamers
Okay, for me, this is a love / hate relationship. There are some awesome girl gamers who are amazing and make me jelly, but there are also girl gamers that I can’t stand. (An aside: “jelly” is not the thing you put on toast, it is a “hip” way of saying “jealous.”)
Guys befriend them for one reason: “OMG, it’s a girl playing, is she hot!?” Girl gamers who just flirt with everyone and act like they don’t know what SMGs or Assault Rifles are are annoying.
7. The Stoners
Need I say anything? Their names say it all: Blaze420, Tetra420, iCannab1s, and other crazy names are attached to crazies that I’ve seen being crazy on Xbox live.
8. The Noobs
When a noob joins an objective game like “Search & Destroy,” “Capture the Flag,” or “Domination”, just prepare for a loss! They have no idea what they’re doing – they get the wrong flag, plant the bomb too late, do not cooperate with the team, and die constantly. Hey, we were all noobs once, so shout it with me: noobs FTW!! “What does that mean?” NOOB.
9. The Campers
Campers are a type of online gamer that makes me go insane. They just sit in the corner and wait for you to walk up. After a camper gets a kill, they move to a different corner and wait for those sorry fools trying to exact revenge. (They end up dead most of the time.) Where are the s’mores, hot dogs, and fire, guys?
10. The Silent Pro
These guys scrape everyone. They just take your body and scrape it along the concrete until you bleed to death. You know there’s a silent pro in your online game when they rack up a dozen kills in under a minute. They are the “one-man teams” in team objective games. They are the savage killers in Free for All. They are the ones who will never reply to your messages or talk to you via microphone because you are not worthy of their presence.