Bacon is the pinnacle of geekiness, so I’ve decided to compile a list of the top 16 geeky bacon gifts of ALL TIME.  I hope you enjoy the list – each one is either linked to a review that I’ve done or to a source from which you can buy the product.  From frosting to candles – this list of geeky bacon goods has you covered, my friends!  Covered in bacon grease!  You’ll be lucky if you can get the stench off in a couple of weeks.

 

Bacon Bandages

 

The Bacon Bandages are the geekiest way to cover up your cuts while still maintaining that old adage of putting meat on your wounds.  Nowadays, we just use Neosporin and then eat the meat, so we don’t waste resources.  ”WHY DON’T YOU START TALKING LIKE A MAN!  PUT SOME MEAT ON THAT GASH!”  No thanks, mister – Johnson & Johnson is my hero.

 

Bacon Floss

 

Bacon Floss cleans your teeth with the very thing that is plaguing your teeth and your social life!  Well, not exactly, but the floss tastes like bacon.  You catch my drift?  ”Punk, the only time I caught your drift was when you slid into my mailbox with your car.”  Sorry Mr. Jenkins, it was icy and – “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!  Tryin’ to sell me bacon goods… that’s the kinda stuff that gave me a heart attack in the first place!”

 

Effervescent Bacon Drink Tabs

 

The Effervescent Bacon Drink Tablets are great for bacon-ifying any of your regular beverages!  Water, soda, and even milk can be transformed into a bacon flavored drink!  Of course, some of the combinations are less desirable than others, but everything tastes better with a bit of geeky bacon product, right?  Amiright or what?  ”Am I right is three words, so you are wrong.”

 

Bacon Frosting

 

Bacon Frosting is the perfect way to please your sons and daughters on their birthdays.  They can’t have bacon served up at their birthday party, but they can have cake covered in bacon flavored frosting, which is just as good, if not better!  Also, you can save money, because now you won’t have to buy a clown!  ”I’m married to one already.”  That is what we like to call unfortunate.

 

Bacon Lollipops

 

The Bacon Lollipops bring a geeky twist to the classic treat!  Lick it, bite it, shove the entire thing down your throat!  (Don’t do that last one, because it’s dangerous, and I care for your health don’t want to get sued.  The Bacon Lollipops are awesome geeky products!

 

Bacon Toothpicks

 

The Bacon Toothpicks, much like the Bacon Floss, give you the chance to clean your teeth with something that tastes like Bacon!  What an oxymoron!  It’s like gentle giant, or nice snake monster, or evil octopi.  ”The last one is an oxymoron?”  Yeah, octopi are great!  You’ve obviously never chatted with one online.  *Facepalm*

 

Bacon Ornament

 

 

The Bacon Ornament is very sparkly – the red part represents the meat of the bacon, and the silver represents the fat of the bacon.  If this is what my bacon strips looked like, I would be angry – a man needs meat, not fat.  Fat makes him look fat, and men get angry when they look bad, and then people get hurt.  So, cook quality bacon, or get hurt.  That’s really what it comes down to, at this point.

 

Bacon Flavored Hard Candy

 

The Bacon Flavored Hard Candy would make a great prank, if you’re willing to hide the beautiful tin that it comes in.  Jsut dump a bunch of these candies into an unassuming glass bowl, and then watch as your guests are horrified when they taste bacon instead of the expected mint.  Note: does not work if you have geeky guests, they will appreciate these hard candies.

 

Bacon Toothpaste

 

The Bacon Toothpaste, available at Firebox, is amazing!  Stop using that disgusting mint-flavored toothpaste, manly geek!  Get yourself some of Mr. Bacon’s Bacon Toothpaste on that toothbrush, and clean those teeth like a man!  LIKE A REAL MAN!  EAT MEAT!  PLAY FOOTBALL!  RUB YOUR FACE IN THE DIRT!  WEAR SWEATY CLOTHES!  SCREAM REALLY LOUD ALL THE TIME!  PLAY SOME MORE FOOTBALL!

 

Bacon Wallet

 

 

The Bacon Wallet is great for storing all of your cold, hard cash!  Though this bacon gift for geeks does not smell or taste like bacon, it would definitely be a hit among your geeky friends.  Buy it or be uncool, your choice.  Your social reputation is on the line.  (Not really, but whatever.)

 

Bacon Soap

 

The Bacon Soap is great for washing all of the parts of your body that haven’t yet been touched by the goodness of bacon.  Or, you could be less weird and just leave it next to the sink so that people can wash their hands with it.  ”No way, man – my entire body is going to smell like bacon!”  You do that, my friend, you do that.  You’re going to be attacked by wild animals, though.

 

Jumbo Mr. Bacon Magnet

 

With the Mr. Bacon Jumbo Magnet you can make it apparent to everyone who walks into your kitchen that you are a geek, and a fan of bacon.  You could also dress up like a giant piece of bacon, but that would scare away all of your friends and family for weeks to come, and we wouldn’t want that.

 

BaconPop Popcorn

 

BaconPop Bacon Flavored Popcorn is yet another geeky product with bacon written all over it.  I’m not quite sure how this one was made, but it was, and we can put it into our mouths.  Happiness achieved, mission accomplished.

 

Bacon Gumballs

 

With the Bacon Gumballs, you can chew your bacon for days!  Before, you couldn’t savor the taste of your delicious treat because you were forced to swallow it at some point.  This is not the case with the Bacon Gumballs!  In fact, even if you do swallow it, your stomach will get to taste it for seven years!  Now that’s what I call long-lasting flavor.

 

Bacon Candle

The Bacon Candle burns for over 70 hours, and is actually made with real bacon.  You get the genuine smell of your favorite meat, plus a bit of warmth from the fire on the wick.  Okay, the warmth is exaggeration, but it does smell like bacon.  You could even use it to lure the crocodile out of your bedroom and back out into the swamp area in your backyard!

 

PorkKleen Bacon Hand Sanitizer

 

the PorkKleen Bacon Hand Sanitizer is the meatiest way to keep yourself from getting sick, and the easiest way to spread your bacon love.  If they don’t like bacon, you can be assured that they at least don’t want to catch a cold, so you can force your geeky ideals upon them.  Yay, forcing ideals upon others!