Look Taller Shoe Lifts
Let this be known: the Look Taller Shoe Lifts do make you taller, but they are meant to be a gag gift. A man of shorter stature would really appreciate a couple of Look Taller Shoe Lifts, but they’d have to punch you to maintain their tough outer shell and preserve their macho-ness. They’re like rocks on the outside, but jelly on the inside. Once you break that barrier, they just become a puddle of goo, and nobody likes to clean that up, so just let those small men be tough. STUCK ON YOU! I GOT A PIECE OF MAN GOO DOWN DEEP IN MY SOLE OF MY SHOE THAT I JUST CAN’T LOSE. GUESS I’M ONNNNN MY WAAAAYYYYY! MIGHTY GLAD YOU STAYED!
Buy the Look Taller Shoe Lifts for your hobbits who live down the lane, and then go help them get that ring from the evil volcano that they’ve been telling you about. A word to the wise: avoid the pale fish-eating monster that talks in the third person, and bring $5 to pay for the shoe lifts you accidentally shoplifted.