Look, I’m all for ergonomic computer mouses and keyboards, but the Evoluent Vertical Mouse takes things a bit too far.  This computer accessory stands straight up and has a “comfortable thumb rest” and side buttons that you can easily click.  Just use a normal mouse and stop whining.

 

 

The Evoluent Vertical mouse looks ridiculous and difficult to use.  The company boasts that their product has “Six Buttons.”  Well, do you want to know what I think about their magnificent buttons?  They are unnecessary.  I want a right click button, a left click button, and a scroll key.  I do not need a button to adjust my “Pointer’s Laser Sensor” or whatever else they’ve packed into this little rock-shaped contraption.

The pioneers used to drive rocks, so why not head on back to the good old days?  Since we couldn’t devise a moving rock, we’ve made the next best thing – an ergonomic mouse that looks like a rock and has too many buttons!  We expect you to be able to figure them all out, even though we have experienced the ignorance of people who believe the Onion on Facebook and people who need a GPS application to tell them which way the road is turning.

 

 

This specific version of the Evoluent Vertical Mouse is the company’s fourth edition.  This can mean one of two terrible things:

The First Unthinkable Possibility: These computer mouses are actually helpful and ergonomic

The Second Unthinkable Possibility: People are naive enough to waste money on this mouse